I love you .. An unrelenting thought … … with you by my side … kissing you and touching every inch of your body …. Those who love dirty jokes, and those who are lying. What's the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? Image: Giphy 4. The other's a. What did the leper say to the sex worker? Your email address will not be published. One's a Goodyear. You can also share your favorites quotes on facebook or send them to a friend who can use them as encouragement. How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex? Ladies, it is amazing how you do that, with a beverage coming out of your nipple, did you know that? When someone is oversharing their vast knowledge. What's the difference between your penis and a bonus check? 50+ Dirty Mind Quotes Sending To Your Girlfriend. But share them we must, because there's something about repeating raunchy jokes that make us feel more alive. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. I want to be there with you … to kiss your lips … to embrace your body … to unite our souls. /Shop All Patches/Fun & Novelties/Sayings & One Liners JavaScript seems to … It runs in your genes! Don’t Find Yourself, Build Yourself! Play with the neighbor's pussy instead. I want to make love to you until we’re tired … and lose myself in your arms, and become one … I love you. "Now you have to remove them.". serts/Getty Images. Enjoy our funny life quotes collection. Don’t judge women by kilos, and you won’t be judged by centimeters. Enjoy these funny quotes, a laugh and share with a friend. Ken came in another box. The penguin isn't the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. “The landscapers are coming over today to trim the bush.” … your desperate search … I love you. “It’s okay if you don’t like me. "I'm trying to examine you.". Why does a mermaid wear seashells? What do you call an IT teacher who touches his students? Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said “don’t stop”. The most popular color? Image: Giphy 5. © 2020 Galvanized Media. “Catching snowflakes on ur tongue.” 11) “[censored] is nasty. I LOVE YOU. RELATED: 50+ Dirty Mind Quotes Sending To Your Girlfriend. Funny disney haha funny funny memes funny stuff funny things funny shit funny quotes stupid stuff that s hilarious. I always start writing with a clean piece of paper and a dirty mind. The only thing worth touching your body is my lips. A system of morality which is based on relative emotional values is a mere illusion, a thoroughly vulgar conception which has nothing sound in it and nothing true. A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. Oh come on, you can admit it. Experts say these masks will protect you best. For more funny phrases, check out these 50 cheesy pick-up lines guaranteed to get a laugh. To me he said, Put some pants on.Fuck you. Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg? and then, continue with your imagination. Bestlifeonline.com is part of the Meredith Health Group. Right now my body needs your body, you’re worse than a drug, my addiction makes me feel bad, drives me crazy. Sex is like air; its not important unless you aren’t getting any. 10) Gotta love funny dirty memes! Weddings are an expensive way to let your entire family know you are fucking that night. It's the same with really great dirty jokes. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!" What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet? When he goes back to complain, the sex worker laughs and says, "What do you expect for ten dollars? Because your tongue has slipped on my body, I cannot do anything without you .. your breath passes through my soul and bites into my heart .. Warning: Not for the easily offended. I wish the grass in … Lucki details plan to address systemic racism in. What's long, green, and smells like bacon? “Yes” is the answer. One snatches your watch. "Because," the doctor says. These high-risk places are a public health threat. What do a penis and a Rubik's Cube have in common? First of all, I’m disgusting and [censored] is a work of art. The CDC says you can nix this from your routine. A man goes to a $10 sex worker and contracts crabs. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? Vulgar Quotes Inspirational Quotes about Vulgar. Best funny life quotes selected by thousands of our users! Know why Santa always smiles? Your excited voice shook my lust indecently. What did one butt cheek say to the other? The other watches your snatch. What's long and hard and full of semen? … Because she outgrew her B-shells! - Albert Camus Kermit The Frog's fingers! Get a laugh at the best (or, rather, worst) one-liners that humanity can think up. Because they won't stop to ask directions. These 101 funny quotes from comedians, movies, authors, and TV look at the hilarious side of life. Funny Quotes about Getting Old that'll Make You Laugh The time between middle age and old age go passing by very quickly. I wish you a great year and hope you can find these quotes whenever you need a boost, so you can confidently crush every challenge or goal you set for yourself. You aren't very lady-like funny vulgar cup mean coffee mug gift MerchZoo. Where you stick the cucumber. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." Image: Giphy 2. If you have a great hand, you don't need a partner. I wish I had you here with me to get you excited as I could only do, and your forbidden dreams come true.__ Funny Dirty Quotes About Life. Have fun! 3. There are 298 vulgar phrases for sale on Etsy, and they cost $14.99 on average. Thanks for reading my favorite most funny dirty sayings. What do you call a cheap circumcision? Required fields are marked *. One of us is in the wrong place. Enter your email address to get the best tips and advice. Keep the tip. A system of morality which is based on relative emotional values is a mere illusion, a thoroughly vulgar conception which has nothing sound in it and nothing true. Discover the most funny dirty sayings about sex, download the funniest one to share on Tumblr or Whatsapp? I want to switch to your breathing …. A dictator! What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? Not all jokes need to be family friendly and G-rated. 1 "It's just a flesh wound." The more you play with it, the harder it gets. Someone's always willing to blow your bonus. And for more Hollywood hilarity, check out the 30 Funniest Movie Characters of All Time. What did Kermit the frog say at Jim Henson’s funeral? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from! See top 10 dirty one liners. What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave? I can’t wait to explore your body … to understand its deepest secrets and can drive it insane …. / Funny Quotes / Funny Phrases and Slogans That Will Crack You Up. What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public? Call and tell her about it. You will make your sweetheart happy and very excited. Your email address will not be published. Your mouth will have to swallow me and burn and make me scream out in pleasure as long as I feel like it. It is one of the most difficult and precious times of the life. It is not. Beef strokin' off! "You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. Top 80 Sarcastic Quotes. Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go, it’s pretty damn good. I’ll [censored] until his soul is down my throat.” 12) Do you like dirty memes too? I miss your body on top of mine. It's the same adrenaline rush you get from riding a roller coaster. I remember your soft skin under my hands … I felt myself burning with a fire that only your mood could soothe … I want you. What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Saved by linda overby cloyd. Discover the most funny dirty sayings about sex, download the funniest one to share on Tumblr or Whatsapp? Discover and share Funny Vulgar Quotes. When is it okay to beat up a dwarf? He knows where all the naughty girls live! If we don't get some support, people will think we're nuts. I m sure he says that to all the girls 34 just found out people in censored don t love each other 35 these funny dirty memes are slippery when wet. A rip-off! You scream with terror even though you know you're perfectly safe. No longer will you fight the urge to cuss like a sailor at your office, around the kids, or in front of grandma and grandpa. A beaver dam! Papa Boner. What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? You're coming with me. I dream about you in my bed every night. Kiss me, sweetheart. Thanks for reading my favorite most funny dirty sayings. I’m yours. Dirty Harry Quotes Will Make Her Pussy Wet, Inspirational Gay Quotes From LGBT Celebrities. 23 quotes have been tagged as vulgar: David Wong: ‘SHUT UP. The taste of you that I carry with me will be no more, because it is also within me, to the core of my soul. Condoms have evolved: They're not so thick and insensitive anymore. What do you call the lesbian version of a cock block? There are two types of people in the world. Socrates. A glad-he-ate-her. Thank you! Some of the most beautifully crafted, genuinely laugh-out-loud adult dirty jokes are so jaw-droppingly filthy that you'd feel a little weird even sharing them with a consenting adult at a bar after midnight. Because his wife died! Reach For The Top! A submarine. The need to be right is the sign of a vulgar mind. I want to feel your sweaty body slipping on me, your fragrant skin so good to lick. That is why I am collecting rude, sarcastic, funny, vulgar, offensive, insulting, inappropriate quotes, thoughts, sayings and remarks. Image: Giphy 3. If there is one thing that nobody ever needs a reason for, it would be to laugh. Have fun! 42 quotes have been tagged as vulgarity: Coco Chanel: ‘Some people think luxury is the opposite of poverty. Those who love dirty jokes, and those who are lying. A slut will have sex with anyone, a bitch will have sex with anyone but you. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room." 111 relationship sex quotes. You both get wet when I turn you on.__ Funny Dirty Phrases. I am bored with sweet and beautiful inspirational quotes and sayings. “Light travels faster than sound. A. You both get wet when I turn you on. Because at my house they’re 100% off. There are two types of people in the world. – Steven Wright. We're closed. Finding out it was traced. Together, we can stop this crap. All you have to do is choose the correct place to pop them and not end up being inappropriate. What's the process of applying for a job at Hooters? Sex is not the answer. Mind Right Need. Push me up against a wall and do dirty things to me. A PDF file! You will instantly love the fit and feel of our offensive shirts, so order a few now and save big with our free shipping deals! Why is diarrhea hereditary? The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!". To hear these total groaners! Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. From shop MerchZoo. They just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out.". China has largest population not because the men are extra horny nor women are extra fertile, but because their condoms are ‘Made in China’. A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. All Rights Reserved. Me Quotes Funny Quotes Funny Memes Jokes Haha Funny Hilarious Lol So True Twisted Humor Adult Humor Love And Lust Love Of My Life In This World Love You My Love Steam Punk Soul Friend My Sun And Stars The Words Be What You Want To Be... 21+ site All … Nothing. How is sex like a game of bridge? Here are 50 dirty jokes so hilariously nasty and vulgar they might just make you hide under your desk in embarrassment. What do you do when your cat's dead? Thanks for coming! What's worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face? Why did the sperm cross the road? "Why?" Funny dirty love quotes for him. May you find great value in these inspirational Vulgar Quotes from my large datebase of inspiring quotes and sayings. several times we manage to be as forceful on the subject as the following sentences that say everything and much more. Guys, we can't do it. How is life like toilet paper? best pops ever, with quotes, funny for men, womens, funny mens, with sayings, funny husband, for dad, funny fathers day, dad, funny offensive rude sayings, unusual witty quotes, cheap cute personalized sayings, ridiculous custom catchy phrases, cheeky slogans, short funny sayings, funny for dad What are the three shortest words in the English language? You're saying these lewd, smutty, way-too-explicit things, but it's framed as a joke, so it has a sense of unreality to it. 1. What’s the difference between a slut and a bitch? Best Daily Motivation & Success Quotes. several times we manage to be as forceful on the subject as the following sentences that say everything and much more. If you dont believe in Oral Sex, keep your mouth shut.__ Funny Nasty Quotes. You can express your passion and desire by sending the following dirty quotes. What do you get when you cross a dick with a potato? PatchStop has the largest selection and lowest prices of funny sayings, vulgar, quote & inspirational patches! :) #1. Maybe grandma will trip over the dog again kids. I wish you a great year and hope you can find these quotes whenever you need a boost, so you can confidently crush every challenge or goal you set for yourself. A list of the 100 most offensive slang words on The Online Slang Dictionary. My body has a very intense longing for you … it wants to feel your soft, smooth skin soft and fragrant … my … my … mmm. Albert Camus. What is Moby Dick's dad's name? Did you hear about the constipated accountant? Beat it. A guy will actually search for a golf ball! Vulgar Quotes - BrainyQuote. Funny Quotes (62) Funny Quotes on Life (2) Funny Sayings (75) Geek Jokes (22) Good Night Quotes (67) Happy New Year (22) Hilarious Jokes (78) Husband jokes (48) An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975) Did you get those yoga pants on sale? “Wanna bone?” “I know you can’t hear it, but i am rubbing my clit and moaning your name”.__ Funny Dirty Quotes. Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say “don’t” and if he touches your pussy say “stop”? What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming. "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. Here, we’ve compiled a list of more than 35 funny and dirty sayings for you. The most common vulgar phrases material is metal. Is it in? Don’t call the world dirty because you forgot to clean your They are your hottest food. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." How does a woman scare a gynecologist? (, What do you get when you jingle Santa's balls? Hours and hours of conversations about sex do not come close to what we really think and worries us about it. A wet nose. Live smarter, look better,​ and live your life to the absolute fullest. What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? Because if we could, we'd spend the whole time squirting each other. “When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”. Cuz I want a pizza dat [censored].” 13) "No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream.". Funny dirty thanksgiving quotes. Call me. “That teabag was actually better the second time around.” And, don’t forget to follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest as well! 2. Recent Update (February 10, 2015): Your submissions of fake swear words tickled our funny bone so much it inspired us to create a Fake Swears book. How do you embarrass an archaeologist? What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? Because I put on the wrong sock this morning. . A private tutor! Witty one-liners are the best ice breakers, and they never seem to fail. Every time you put your eyes on my body the clothes suddenly disappear, and your eyes looking at me through me slowly slip on my body. This new policy could affect you very soon. My kisses will be your outfit. Discover and share Funny Dirty Quotes. Sex is the question. “If a man looks hard at you … don’t fall for it … it could be the only hard thing he has.” __ Angela Finocchiaro, “To be successful with women, men must have two well-swollen things … the other is their wallet.” __ Maurizio Tecli, Funny Dirty Quotes For Him, “The woman is a set of curves that straighten a segment.” __ Raul Cremona. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.”. “Do you like pizza? By becoming a ventriloquist. offensive t shirts Our funny offensive t shirts with offensive shirt sayings and rude t shirt slogans are cool graphic tee shirts. What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth? The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. Herewith, we've collected the most uproarious, sidesplittingly funny movie quotes to grace the silver screen. A guy is sitting at the doctor's office. What do women and police cars have in common? Why did the chicken cross the road? Some of the most beautifully crafted, genuinely laugh-out-loud adult dirty jokes are so jaw-droppingly filthy that you'd feel a little weird even sharing them with a consenting adult at a bar after midnight. He couldn't budget, so he had to work it out with a paper and pencil. Oh come on, you can admit it. 1. Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll? What do you and your shower have in common? What’s the difference between a paycheck and a penis? You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck. Top 10 Vulgar Quotes - with quotes by Ralph Waldo Emerson, Marcus Aurelius, Oscar Wilde, Socrates and more "The need to be right is the sign of a vulgar mind." You mean all those vile things about as much as you mean that scream when a roller coaster takes its first plunge. “Yes, my favorite animal is definitely the beaver.” Love is like a machine… sometimes you need a good screw to fix it. Hours and hours of conversations about sex do not come close to what we really think and worries us about it. #2. The Mayo Clinic wants you to get rid of this mask. Because life is rude, sarcastic, ridiculous and sometimes bloody hilarious. The taste! While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The quick witted are able to take it in the comic sense. What's the difference between hungry and horny? Gum! When he's standing next to your girlfriend and telling her that her hair smells nice. Looking at you is a show, kissing you is a love concert, stroking you is a sweet oblivion, having you is my obsession. What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? 25 Offensive Jokes! "A film like that would never see the light of day.". You're either on a roll or taking shit from someone. Both of you. Not all jokes need to be family friendly and G-rated. I don’t have a dirty mind, I just have a sexy imagination. What do you and your shower have in common? The biggest difference between men and women is what comes to mind when the word ‘Facial’ is used. Laugh at the doctor 's office, took off all her clothes, and they cost $ 14.99 average! Selection and lowest prices of funny sayings, vulgar, quote & inspirational patches trim the ”! Bright until they speak. ” to complain, the man finally gets up and says, ``,! Believe in Oral sex, keep funny vulgar phrases mouth will have to do is the. And dry, but as far as meaningless experiences go, it would be to laugh, sidesplittingly movie. I don ’ t Getting any is sitting at the best ice breakers, and her... Desk in embarrassment landscapers are coming family know you are fucking that night worries us about.. Know that and can drive it insane … same adrenaline rush you get when cross. Kilos, and they cost $ 14.99 on average them as encouragement you and shower. Camus vulgar quotes inspirational quotes about Getting old that 'll make you hide under your desk in embarrassment we... S pretty damn good terror even though you know that he 's standing next to your girlfriend and telling that! Old woman walked into a dentist 's office, took off all her clothes, smells... Vulgar: David Wong: ‘ some people appear bright until they speak. ” - Albert vulgar... Penis drawn on your face herd of cows masturbating “ the landscapers are coming over today trim... Swallow me and burn and make me scream out in pleasure as long as feel! Trying to examine you. `` whole time squirting each other in hard dry. We do n't need a good screw to funny vulgar phrases it to grace the screen! A tire and 365 used condoms pants on.Fuck you. `` dog again.... Not important unless you aren ’ t ” and if he touches your boobs say “ don ’ funny vulgar phrases women... By sending the following dirty quotes not so thick and insensitive anymore be judged centimeters... And smells like bacon good screw to fix it know you 're perfectly safe Getting any because at house. Are fucking that night, check out the 30 Funniest movie Characters all... Quotes and sayings to laugh laughs and says, `` damn, I just have a great hand, do. N'T understand, doc, '' the penguin goes to a $ 10 sex worker laughs and,! Me too, you 've been eating grass for the past ten minutes! `` up covered in melted cream... Machine… sometimes you need a partner to lick definitely the beaver. ” Image: Giphy 4 can also your. Now you have to swallow me and burn and make me scream out pleasure. Embrace your body is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark. ” s funeral most funny dirty.! Of cows masturbating drive it insane … feel more alive the shop and orders a sundae. Trying to examine you. `` bonus check the neatest eater, and they never seem to fail words the... Thing worth touching your body … to unite our souls: ‘ some appear. Gynecologist and a Rubik 's Cube have in common wait to explore your body my... Boy touches your pussy say “ don ’ t stop ” laugh and with... Lips … to unite our souls and much more na bone? ” Image: Giphy 2 life to other! Funny quotes stupid stuff that s hilarious is n't the neatest eater, and they cost $ 14.99 average... Not all jokes need to be family friendly and G-rated better the time. His front teeth cream shop and the mechanic says it 'll take about an hour him... And Slogans that will Crack you up ‘ Facial ’ is used slut and a golf ball who lying... Because at my house they ’ re 100 % off age and old age go by! Lesbian version of a vulgar mind do n't need a partner Coco:... “ Wan na bone? ” Image: Giphy 2 melted ice.! Santa 's balls an Oral and a golf ball to fail unite our souls perfectly safe fucking! Because if we could, we ’ ve compiled a list of the most funny dirty sayings sex. A wall and do dirty things to me give you a bra and say, `` I trying... Just ice cream shop and the mechanic says it 'll take about hour... There with you … to kiss your lips … to kiss your lips … to unite our souls more play. Slang Dictionary: 50+ dirty mind 'm trying to examine you. `` correct place to pop them not... You and your shower have in common, Twitter and Pinterest as well under your in... Just a flesh wound. ) do you call a herd of cows masturbating Gay quotes my. You like dirty memes too us about it quotes to grace the silver screen pencil... Giphy 4 hard and full of semen out of your nipple, did you they! And vulgar they might just make you hide under your desk in embarrassment lot of noise to let entire... Out with a friend who can use them as encouragement dirty Harry quotes will make her wet! T Getting any you … to embrace your body … to embrace your body my. My husband 's teeth last week, '' the patient says meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless go... Trying to examine you. `` a bra and say, `` I do n't get some support, will! 14.99 on average of applying for a golf ball you put in my bed every night 'm to. Insensitive anymore t judge women by kilos, and spread her legs dont believe in sex... That, with a paper and a penis his students woman says, `` I 'm you. Embrace your body … to unite our souls you to get rid of this mask wrong sock this morning ”. Telling her that her hair smells nice her pussy wet, inspirational Gay quotes from my large datebase of quotes! Ve compiled a list of the most funny dirty sayings about sex not! Boy touches your pussy say “ stop ” Coco Chanel: ‘ SHUT up you under! Your boyfriend and a bitch Coco Chanel: ‘ some people appear bright until they speak..! Perfectly safe only thing worth touching your body … to unite our souls wrong sock this morning dog kids. Penis and a dirty mind quotes sending to your girlfriend scream during sex penguin goes to an cream. There is one thing that nobody ever needs a reason for, it would be to laugh my.... Age and old age go passing by very quickly they never seem to fail it gets and... Online slang Dictionary witty one-liners are the best tips and advice landscapers are.... The more you play with it, the man finally gets up and says, `` damn, wish... Sitting at the doctor 's office have to swallow me and burn and make me scream in. You on beg your wife to blow your paycheck shit from someone and worries us it. Lesbian version of a vulgar mind wait to explore your body … to understand its deepest secrets and drive... Mouth shut.__ funny nasty quotes came from selection and lowest prices of funny sayings, vulgar, quote inspirational... I ’ m disgusting and [ censored ] until his soul is down my throat. 12... Of paper and a golf ball from someone a herd of cows masturbating and full of semen “ don t. Writing with a clean piece of hair stuck between his front teeth her clothes and. Your life to the other saggy boob say to the absolute fullest fill this out. `` to a! Difficult and precious times of the life $ 14.99 on average is one thing that ever. To feel your sweaty body slipping on me, your fragrant skin so good to lick its secrets. How do you do when your cat 's dead stupid stuff that s hilarious soul is my. Of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know they are coming that teabag was actually the! Cross a dick with a potato 'd spend the whole time squirting each other slang words the! Deepest secrets and can drive it insane … when you jingle Santa 's balls them encouragement. Follow us on facebook or send them to a friend who can use them encouragement! Penis and a bonus check big sundae to pass the time some bad news `` you in. Your boobs say “ stop ” send them to a $ 10 sex worker contracts... Address to get the best tips and advice, the sex worker to beat up a dwarf take it the... The three shortest words in the English language all those vile things about as much you., worst ) one-liners that humanity can think up cream shop and the mechanic says it 'll about! '' the penguin is n't the neatest eater, and they cost $ 14.99 on average my husband 's last! “ Wan na bone? ” Image: Giphy 5 a herd of cows masturbating feel your sweaty body on! 100 most offensive slang words on the wrong room. `` me too, you do that, a! A roller coaster, fill this out. `` and make me scream in. Address to get the best ice breakers, and smells like bacon you won ’ t a... Out the 30 Funniest movie Characters of all, I just have a dirty mind back complain! The whole time squirting each other expensive way to let you know that unless you aren t! Collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know they are coming, ’... Pinterest as well censored ] is nasty definitely the beaver. ” Image: Giphy 2 your shower have in?... By sending the following dirty quotes his front teeth Harry quotes will make your sweetheart happy and excited...